My tryst with the game of football goes back a long way. From the third to sixth year of existence on earth, my elder brother used my head as a ball on numerous occasions, and let’s just say my IQ highlights the fact that he was a good defensive midfielder in his school days. The first football tournament that I watched was International World Cup 2002, and during 2002-2010, I resurfaced every 2 years during Euros and World Cup to discuss the then-famous players, to buy a football to play for one evening and then let it be eaten by rats, and to deduce that England weren’t winning because they were, well, England.
I used to think club football has no real meaning, since it has no sense of patriotism in it. Then I was introduced to Manchester City in 2011, and they played in an entertaining way I had never seen before. Needless to say, I was the newest member of the clan of 1230AM kickoff addicts and people who enjoy jokes on Manchester United. In very less time, I found a lot of other Manchester City fans in and around Delhi, which is why I think I would rock if I ever joined Tinder. We took the initiative of contacting the club, and now have been officially recognised by the club. Here are a few reasons why you would NOT care about it:
1. The benefits of being official are easier tickets to games, which I concede I may never be able to go to because #MiddleClass, and discounts on merchandise, which I may never buy because I do my shopping at Colaba Causeway and Palika Bazaar and my merchandise compared to the real stuff, is same as what masturbation is in comparison to sex.
2. You think I don’t even know where Manchester is. Well I can pin point it on a map for you, but I won’t because I am not anti-national and I will not touch any map other than India’s.
3. You think it is useless because Indian football has no future. BC ek baar Tu FIFA 16 me aa ke dikha mere saamne.
4. You are determined that you will start watching club football only if Chennai Super Kings start playing football.
5. You think I shouldn’t waste my time on football at all and concentrate on my studies, to which my direct reply to you is “Mom! Please move aside, I can’t see the TV screen.”
6. You think Manchester City is a small club with Arab money. Yes. I support a rich, humble club, which plays beautiful football and has a sense of humour. I don’t think that it is that bad a thing.
7. You think that Manchester city has no history. Well, that is usually a long debate in which you throw Wikipedia screenshots in my face and I start to doubt if your parents were siblings. Maybe City has no history. I’ll be happy if I’m there while they make it.
8. You don’t care about English football because you’re entire knowledge of football is limited to either Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo.
9. You don’t care about English football because you’re a woman and I think casual sexism is sometimes funny.
10. You don’t care about English football because you are an Indian and care only about cricket to which I must say, “Oye Gautam Gambhir, grow up na yaar!”
11. You are a Manchester United fan and you’re jealous because you’re a Manchester United fan and that’s your superpower.
12. You think that I’m alone in this supporters group and have no one else with me. Well, that may be true for my life in general, but let me assure we are growing well as a supporters club.
13. You think this post was unnecessary and now you hate me and the idea of sports in general.
Pick your own reason. Clichéd City jokes and heated arguments are welcome.
Oh, and also, #WengerOut.