#LetsUpvaas because everything is banned

After the heart-breaking ban on Maggi, and the logic-defying ban on beef, a master at exaggeration and relatively unemployed BJP legislator Ramesh Arora, (in his attempt to seem important) has now asked for a ban on the national dish of Shahdara: Momos. He has based his idea on the fact that Momos contain monosodium glutamate, aka ajinomoto, which is an addictive, carcinogenic chemical. Now, to prevent ajinomoto from causing cancer in humans, there were multiple options:

1. Ban production and usage of ajinomoto.

2. Ban production of things that contain ajinomoto, like Momos.

3. Ban production of people who make Momos, which is essentially getting every Nepalese immigrant vasectomised.

Of course, BJP took the second option because Sanjay Gandhi once took the third option and apparently we live in a cruel heartless society where you can’t even cut someone’s vas deferens for some innocent fun. BJP didn’t take the first option because ABEY O ANTI-NATIONAL SAALE BJP KI POLICY PE SAWAAL KARTA HAI?

Of course, we can live without momos and other Chinese cuisine dishes (or as they call it in Dilshad Garden, chaineej aytems) which contain ajinomoto, but look at what our other options are:

1. We could eat Maggi but then it was banned for excessive lead, and it caused a situation of utter chaos, where students had to eat the tortured-tape-worm-shaped Top Ramen noodles during exams and Tom Uncle’s Maggi Point in DU got demoted to Tom Uncle’s Point, which was pointless.

2. We could eat chicken but then bird flu happened. We could eat pork but then swine flu happened. We could eat mutton par ye June wali Eid to meethi Eid hai. We could eat fish but then Bombil is the only affordable fish and it smells like Arvind Kejriwal’s feelings towards Narendra Modi. We could eat beef but it is too early to have the last meal of our lives for many of us. 

3. We could eat Dal but go ask your parents how expensive it is, and eventually the conversation will reach at how you’ll end up selling their​ house because you spend like an idiot.

4. We could eat soya dishes, which are the Palika-Bazaar copies of butter chicken, and no self-respecting Punjabi will ever sink that low. 

5. We could eat khichdi or idli but then there would be no difference between my diarrhea and non-diarrhea days.

I have to agree that if a certain food item has a carcinogenic ingredient without which it cannot be prepared, it needs to be banned and put off the menu, just like BJP has banned other carcinogenic things such as cigarettes, bidis and the logic of its bhakts and the acts of cow vigilantes. Oh. Wait.

There are a lot of other killer things that deserve the society’s attention. Falling in love and getting friendzoned kills more people on the inside than any amount of ajinomoto ever can. Pressure of entrance exams is more lethal to our social life than a plate of steamed chicken momos for two years. The ‘ssssh ssssh’ hissing sound that people make while having the red chilli dip with momos is more poisonous to the environment than the entire stack of momos on that stove. Clearly, we are concentrating on the wrong problem here.

Having said all that, I think I’ll be able to live in a country without momos. It’s not the issue that is of paramount importance to me or the nation. However, if they ever try to even think of putting a ban on Gol-Gappe, yaad rakhna… Talwaarein chal jayengi. 


About Ankit Sharma

Doctor and Drummer in making... Movie-buff since birth.
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