Around 11 years ago, my 10th board exams results were announced and on that day, my father finally had the ‘talk’ with me. No, not the puberty talk, because he left that job to experts like Fashion TV and elder sibling. Instead, he talked to me about his expectations, which he clearly stated that he had just two:
1. Clear entrance exam of some professional course, because I am SharmaJi ka ladka, and that’s perhaps my only purpose in life.
2. Find a girl for myself, because even though my mother called me ‘mera Sundar Rajkumar’, I was 16, used a mirror daily and hence was old enough not to be fooled by that, and should know that arranging a match for me was very difficult, or in his words, “I am too old for that shiz, beta“.
In the hindsight, the conversation seems to have motivated me enough to crack PMT entrance and get myself admitted into the quicksand that is the medical world, and I also
begged my way worked my charm to get a girl to date me.
After 5 years of extremes of tolerance/romance, the girl moved to a different city for post-graduation. Our mutual friends are still divided over whether better education or her inner voice telling her to get away from me to feel human again was the prime reason that made her choose a different city. Anyways we, motivated from stupid English Rom-Coms and a few boringly repetitive viral listicles, decided to give long-distance a chance. Here I am, little less than two years gone by, still trying to decipher the pros and cons of long distance. Here are my rough notes so far:
Let me make it clear that I’m not talking about emotional or romantic security. I am talking about being safe from getting physically thrashed by her because she finds my rendition of “tu-tu-tu tu-tu-taara, todo na dil hamara” in public neither romantic nor funny. On an average, I do/say at least 18 things in a day that make her want to break something on my head, thus long distance is keeping me safe and teaching her the virtues of patience and non-violence.
2. Not getting to see each other in person.
It’s tough for anyone not getting to see their better-half for months together, but new technology like Skype and Face-time might have made it easier for couples now. Although I am yet to experience that, as it may or may not have to do something with the quality of my open-mouthed adenoid facies with a hump nose that her WiFi never seems to work whenever I suggest a Skype call. I’m just kidding about my face. I’ve been told that on public holidays and long weekends, I look like poor man’s Ranveer Singh with severe radioactive exposure. I take that as a compliment.
3. Meeting frequency.
The anticipation of meeting in person after months is a great feeling for the both of us. We sit, look into each other’s eyes and talk for hours about how much I’ve missed her and how this time away from me has given her a chance to think about all the poor life choices she has made, mostly including saying ‘yes’ to me. Of course, parting ways again is one of the most painful feelings in the world, second only to a few times the trolley carrying a patient ran over my foot in the hospital.
4. Sending gifts.
Guys are not good at selecting gifts, hence I use scientific methods to send her gifts, which include putting whatever last gift she gave me on Google search to determine my budget, and repeatedly pestering her sister and friends to find out if she wants anything specific. Usually, I fail miserably at this, and hence now she has accepted the fact that the only thing good about dating me is the huge scope for bitching after breaking up with me.
To sum it up, long distance sucks, and I am thankful to the concerned girl for putting up with me through thick and thin and proximity and distance. I do accept it’s not easy to date me, but hey, after a 30 minute shower using fair-and-handsome face-wash for me and three drinks into her, beauty can lie in the eyes of the beholder. For that, and everything else, I only have a thank-you note in disguise of a silly blog post.