Many famous philosophers of the world have said that a person without a hobby and talent is like a Bollywood movie without song and dance (OK, so only Shah Rukh said it, but then I have never read good philosophy, and the only time I have read Oscar Wilde is while stalking women and their photos on social media). I’m doing MD in Anaesthesiology and Critical Care (and Hospital Politics, Android Gaming and art of General Gossiping), hence I do find some spare time both inside OT and away from it to hone my multiple talents. This post is dedicated to show of talent inside OT, because outside the OT the usual scheme of things involves getting drunk and sleeping in a nerve-damage inducing posture, which is just a rather pathetic lifestyle, not a talent.
So, yours truly, an average multi-talented anaesthesiologist, can…
1. …remove gloves and slingshot them into the red bag (or an area within 2.5 meter radius around it) from any corner of the OT. When I succeed, I do the usual Cristiano Ronaldo celebration, but when I don’t, I make a severely apologetic Darsheel Safary-level utterly gareeb face when the nurses are shouting at me for littering around or my shot has ricocheted off somewhere and hit the surgeon.
2. …break the ampoulle in one clean stroke without hurting myself with a success rate of 68%. The rest 32% of times, the right hand thumb ends up looking like Robb Stark’s wife in the ‘The Red Wedding”, and me and the right hand have to practice abstinence for that day, because although may be mard ko dard nahi hota (hoga), but a sudden penetration of glass into your thumb can be more painful and tear-inducing than accidentally running into a 60-year old couple busy behind the bush at the Budhdha Garden.
3. …hum the entire playlist of every FM channel on the radio in emergency OT. Of course it is unethical to subject the patient to my voice which, on best days, sounds like Himesh Reshammiya being given Heimlich’s manoeuvre. But trust me, if given a choice between hearing a surgeon’s “Oooh, what organ is this one?” or “Oh no! Not the artery again!” and my unintentional Anu Malik impersonation, you know what anyone would choose. #AlwaysBlameTheOtherGuy
4. …can completely forget about exam dates and, at times, patient care too, to write blogs in grammatically incorrect English decorated with laughable vocabulary. If you think reading my jokes is tough, then count your blessings that you do not have to hear me in person. You think Bobby Deol as a DJ is bad? I’ll make you beg for something as good as DJ Bobby Deol.
Or as Dharmendra puts it, DJ ‘Condoms are, after all, only 97% effective’ Deol.