Inspired by an almost true story.
For a Delhiite, there are only two ways to get a girl to date you, first is to really creep her out by stalking her 24*7 till she is sure that other people think that you are practically a couple, and second is at gunpoint, which is mostly practised in and around Gurgaon. I, inspired by marathon English sitcom spree, and the fact that I am too much of a chicken to stalk a girl and carry or even buy a gun, decided to go and talk to a girl in a bar. I ignored all the girls who were with someone who looked stronger than me, and that included every girl with a male friend or in a group of three girls, because the girls in Delhi look surprisingly strong. I zeroed in on one girl, and performed my own SWOT(Strengths-Weaknesses-Opportunities-Threats) analysis, because I don’t have black money to spend on consultancy firms to get myself a power point presentation about that.
1. Exquisitely average looks: I am not gorgeous, but after a good long face wash and scrubbing with sandpaper, my face looks presentable. I am 6’2″ tall, dark (but not the kind of dark you’d miss in a photo without a flash) and even though I don’t have chocolate-boy looks, I do have a nose the shape of a half-finished and forgotten Dairy Milk kept in a female purse.
2. Doctor by profession: I am literally the proverbial ‘Sharma ji ka ladka’, who excelled in studies during school and hence had very less friends and was bullied in the most innovative of ways, including getting my pants tied to door of the toilet once. By stroke of luck and God’s grace, I have cleared two medical entrance exams in my life, hence there are chances that her parents might like me because Arthritis is a bitch and free medicines are the most favourite thing for old people, next only to burping in public.
3. Experience in dating: I am not a charming person or a smooth talker, but I have had female friends before, so I know how to talk to women. My amazing conversational skills include a ‘Hello there’ and then shutting and and simply nodding to whatever they say, which is usually in coherent running English, much of which does not make sense to me anyway.
1. I am unofficially the ugliest guy since Saif Ali Khan to have a nose shaped like an old worn-out fishing hook. My weight never increased in proportion to my height, hence the only muscular part I have in my body is the forearm. (For dirty minds, I must clarify that I used to play drums). Domperidon is the usual drug of choice for people for the week I decide to experiment with my hair.
2. I am a doctor, which for most women means I’ll be a bald and cranky partner. I am doing MD anaesthesia, which means I’ll be a middle-class bald and cranky partner. I write blogs in free time, which means I’ll be a boring middle-class bald and cranky partner. To be honest, the only good thing about my career profile is that I didn’t opt for Forensic, and didn’t add the adjective ‘creepy’ to the ever-growing list.
3. My experience of dating includes, although not limited to, one-sided crushes which end as soon as my real intentions get revealed. The fact that I am not entirely sure if all of them were of the opposite sex does not help my dating resumé. I have had my share of steamy relationships, but then I am not going to divulge any details becaue my internet connection doesn’t want its parents to know yet.
Before analysing my Opportunities and Threats, I think I’ll need another drink. She is already on her third, and that’s one opportunity right there.
To be continued…