Trust me, I am proud that I am a doctor. When I look beyond the salary, the viva humiliations, the family events that I have missed, inhuman working hours and the one time I felt I would get beaten up by the mob in emergency, I only have fond memories of my medical college. Most of my friends and cousins have engineering or consultancy jobs, which means they know two things I can’t even imagine: What it means to have money, and How to crack a job interview.
Seriously, other than the regular CV-verification ones, most of the questions have no politically correct answers, or as we call it in medical college, ‘out of syllabus’. Owing to my below-average imagination skills and excess of free time, I imagined myself in such an interview, and let’s just say that all the things wrong in my life are not just because of my career choice. Do not ask me why I answer almost all questions honestly, because I am not sure what and how much I had before writing this post.
Q. Can you tell me a little about yourself?
I used to be a bright kid in school. Good grades but eye-bleed-inducing handwriting and even worse looks meant I was never the first choice of my female batchmates to ask for notes and favours. That frustration, and a career choice influenced by hindi serials such as Dill Mill Gaye rather than practical thinking have made me what I am today: alone, semi-bald and unemployed.
Q. Why should we hire you?
Uh, please? Please hire me?
Q. What are your greatest professional strengths?
I still haven’t killed myself after 7.5 years in medical field, so I guess being Besharam is my greatest strength. Seriously, I can take up to 4 hours of humiliation from a senior and laugh about it later, provided he used lignocaine jelly and I have a chilled beverage in my hand that is not Foster’s.
7. What do you consider to be your weaknesses?
Girls from dental college. Oh wait, you didn’t mean in that sense?
10. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Either getting married, and hopefully not having an exam on the same day, or if, miraculously, I am already married by then, planning a family (buying gajraas and jalebis on my way back home, if you know what I mean).
13. Why are you leaving your current job?
I’m sorry, I don’t know how to put “dhakke de ke nikaal diya jana” into polite words, so I would let that one pass.
Q. Describe an incident you disagreed with a decision or judgement that was made at work?
I don’t call that an incident. I call it my first year residency.
Q. How would your boss and co-workers describe you?
They used the words “certified ch***a“, but I think it was just playful language.
Q. Why was there a gap in your employment?
Q. How do you deal with pressure or stressful situations?
I panic and run round and round in circles like a headless chicken. Then I do what I learnt during my gynae posting in internship: send an ICU referral.
Q. What’s your dream job?
Currently, a job is my dream job. Could you please hurry up? I have an interview at McDonald’s in 15 minutes.
Q. What are your salary requirements?
I expect a package of 12 lakhs plus, with usual medical benefits, with two paid vacations, preferably international.
20 rs per hour. Done.
Q. What do you like to do outside of work?
I like to write meaningless blog posts to vent out my frustration.
And guess what, this one is actually my 100th. So, thanks to all of you for reading. *insert regular pleading sentences for subscribing and commenting*