After completing MBBS, a doctor has to make an important decision in life: whether to kill oneself because ‘kya ukhaad liya doctor ban ke’ or to give another entrance exam and get further sucked into the quicksand of early hairloss and frustration that is the medical world. The success in that exam, as per coaching institutes, is a rank worthy of a Facebook interview video, where you confess your secret not-so-platonic feelings for the institute’s director. The next step is to choose a subject to specialise in, and it depends upon the following things:
1. Career goals, intensity of work and personal interest (what guys say while justifying their choice)
2. To marry a beautiful and/or rich gynaecologist (what guys actually mean when they say, well, anything)
3. To live a noble life serving patients and making this world a better place (usually heard before the reply “abe chutiye, chad gayi hai tujhe! Bottle neeche rakh”)
Usually a few branches (just kidding, only anaesthesia) face a grave allegation of not having any interaction with the patients, and I would like to give different arguments against this, using my Microsoft Word-edited English and my birth-hypoxia affected brain. Take your own pick out of the following:
☆ No! That’s not true at all.
Anaesthesiologists interact with patients all the time. Of course, we don’t care about mythological things such as consciousness of the patient or his ability to reply during that interaction, but that’s just being demanding isn’t it? Before knocking patients out, we make them comfortable by asking about their families, their jobs, their plans to sue the surgeon after the surgery and what not. Usually I try to avoid being a dick, but sometimes, just for fun, I tell a patient to “go to sleep, we will wake you up after the surgery is successful…”, and then murmur “… and we have removed a kidney too” loud enough to make it the last thing he hears before losing senses. So, a few of you should agree that limited interaction is better.
☆We do not care about the interaction.
A lot of times it has happened that after a surgery, the patient is surrounded by the medical team and the patient wakes up to show gratitude to his surgeons in the most polite way, while the anaesthetist gets a side serving of the ‘Tu kaun hai bey?’ look. Anyways, just that look is still more interaction than what an anatomist gets with his cadavers or the physiologist gets with his frogs, although either of the above make for a better love story than Batman vs Superman. And Twilight. As long as there is food on the plate and beer in the fridge, we don’t want to listen to patients describing their gas and bowel problems using innovative adjectives, without a shred of shame or awkwardness.
☆Creepy last-ditch argument:
I like my patients just the way I like my women: On the bed, and unconscious.