Most Epic New Year Plans! Well, Almost.

Last day of a year is an important day for introspection, when almost everyone can see flashes of all the important things that happened throughout the year. For committed guys, it is mostly a compilation of memories of getting shouted at by their girlfriends for not knowing which God-damn shade of pink is the rang gherua, while for single men it is mostly a blur of post-throwing-up ‘tu hi mera bhai hai bc’ conversations with a close friend. Both the above scenarios need to be repeated on 31st as well, because if you do not party on the last day, you risk getting labelled anti-social or a loner or worse, a baniya.

So, it doesn’t matter who you are or where you live, you have got to ‘party hard’ on new year’s eve, by which I mean it doesn’t matter if you drink or not, because there is always going to be a friend who will be out of his senses by 10PM, and shove two or three shots down your throat. So, it is better to avoid him till 11PM because by then he would have passed out or better, in an ‘everybody-wins’ scenario, might have choked on his own vomit and died. Now you just got to decide between a house party or a restro-bar, and here is a pros vs cons assessment to help you make an informed decision:

The Bring-Your-Own-Booze system saves you from having to pay thousands of rupees and dealing with shady people to arrange for passes for a party, and also gives single guys a chance to meet new people who are single as well as, mostly, guys. The party will start with a cheers!, go on to political discussions about how Modi or Kejri are screwing the country and only the people in that room drinking their way to cirrhosis know better. The party will most probably end with someone sharing a sad break up story and you cursing your luck, but hey, take your laptop and you will get to play the songs of your choice at least.

Expensive, but there will be real women and loud music, so you will probably get excited enough to get your money’s worth and drink beyond the limits your already half-dead liver and shameless conscience can handle. If the person with whom you went to the event brings you back home alive, marry him/her, regardless of the gender. You get to dance in flashy lights, stare at legs (if you are in Delhi) or wrists (if you are in Lucknow), and stand a chance to get lucky if your girlfriend gets served adulterated spirits in her cocktail. Worth a shot.

The issue remains on how to get back from a party, because let’s accept it, driving straight with one tyre on the divider is called a skill only when it is intentional. In Delhi, you can use Metro to get to the venue but it is closed by the time you want to head back, and hence you need to shell out more than what you spent on the passes, along with a lot of pleading, to get an auto driver to take you home. In Mumbai, local trains operate till late, but safety remains a concern, for e.g.
Delhi Metro announcement: “Next station is Karol Bagh. Doors will open on the left. Please mind the gap.”
Mumbai local announcement: “Next station is Dadar. Doors were open throughout the ride. Hopefully you didn’t fall out on the way and are still on the train. If not, I call dibs on your belongings.”

Also, we need to actively stay away from the moral police doing rounds because if you have to explain a bruised face the next day, “Bro I got so drunk I fell down” is a fun story while “Bro my girlfriend was wearing a one piece dress so Shiv Sena wale ne peet diya” is not. The moral police might be against this idea because they think it is against hindutva as it is not Indian new year. They may be correct, but celebrating in a humid April month where fungal infection of crotch area is a given is not a great idea.

So get out there, and have fun, and try to stay away from Bajrang Dal. Janhit me Jaari.



About Ankit Sharma

Doctor and Drummer in making... Movie-buff since birth.
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