Sooraj Barjatya and his Rajshri productions have come up with another believe-it-or-not-ofcourse-not Salman Khan epic, with values so desi and morals so high, that only people born before 1985 but who do not vote for Congress will be able to relate to. This movie is supposedly very different from earlier Barjatya-Salman combos, as Sallu Bhai has a double role, hence mathematically only 50% Salman Khans in the movie are called Prem, and he has a bigger family in this movie, as they needed an entire Haveli to fit in all his step brothers and the entire servant clan from Lallu the first to Lallu the eighteenth. Also, Anupam Kher plays Prem’s butler, and you might get to see Prem trying to be batman to Anupam Kher’s Alfred, especially while saying the dialogue “
Gotham Sonam needs me!”
Of course, I would never risk any money on another Salman gem, because I feel nauseous at the thought of people aged 60+ playing Antakshri and trying to hit on their Samdhans. Yes, I liked Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, but mostly because I did not have cable TV or internet connection, nor had I hit puberty by then, so HAHK won hands down against whatever Doordarshan had to offer, like LokSabha live and Baba Sehgal songs on Saturday Top 20. However, it will be tough to keep my parents away from the movie. I may not be able to ask my mother the reason, because I do not want to risk getting a lecture about how pathetic a human being I am because I watch movies with semi-naked women and their item numbers. So the following are a few guesses about why Barjatya-Salman combo works for parents of the entire nation:
1. My Mom wants to know how agyakaari her baalaks would have turned out had she slapped us everytime we deserved one, because she believes in the Barjatya logic that the only mischief you are allowed to do is to target a woman’s ass with a gulel(slingshot).
2. My mom wants to know who the hell this Neil Nitin Mukesh guy is, and how can he think about being offered a role in the TV series I watch on my laptop and immediately shut down whenever she enters into my room.(Game Of Thrones)
3. My Mom probably wants to look for one reason why Anil Kapoor says that he is a proud father.
4. My mom wants to relive old days when Salman Khan used to look innocent and handsome, though she doesn’t know that she will be served a gym trainer’s sweet-potato shaped body with a Botox-ed Salman Khan face on top.
5. My Dad will go because, well, my mom would make him.
I will not watch the movie, which hardly matters because it will be a blockbuster, and the entire audience at Delite cinemas, Daryaganj would still touch itself inappropriately everytime bhai comes on screen, except that one guy whose sole purpose in life is to watch every show in single screen theatres and scream “Abey le le pappi le le” before every kissing scene in a movie.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to book tickets for my parents, after which I will apologise to Gods, as Neil Nitin Mukesh would say, both old and the new ones.