The Curious Case Of The Deviated Nose

There is always that ‘first thing’ that you notice when you meet someone for the first time. It may range from a general personality trait like height or built to something anaesthesia-inducing such as body odour. It can also be a threatening trait such as a haryanvi accent or an interesting trait which most guys notice whenever they meet a girl. LENGTH OF THE HAIR, YOU PERVERTED MIND!! As people have told me, unfortunately for me, the first thing they notice about me is my nose.

People who have seen it know that the shape itself is LOL-inducing. Only if I had a penny for everytime I heard gems like “Teri naak to pakka beech me aati hogi” or “damn that’s a nasty curve”. I don’t blame them, given that my nose is freakishly long and deviant enough that if I plotted it on Google maps, the tracing would take you from CP to Afghanistan rather than Gurgaon.

I tried justifying it with the excuse that even Saif Ali Khan had a somewhat similar nasal length, especially after I watched him get Preity Zinta pregnant in Salaam Namaste, but instead people remember him for Main Khiladi Tu Anadi and Tashan, which doesn’t help my case at all.

To be honest, the shape wasn’t always like a badly-made Delhi fly-over. I too had a normal-sized hump-less nose in my childhood years when the neighbourhood girls used to pinch it with affection. A few years later, a rather unfortunate night involving alcohol, playing football using an empty plastic bottle, and high velocity contact of the opposite player’s head with my nose led me into this situation. Now the only pinch I get on my nose is when I do that to myself to stop the bleeding after getting punched in the face. Fortunately it doesn’t happen very often, because the pain is just not worth the nostalgia.

I stopped feeling bad about my nose a long time back, and being the optimist that I am, I would be happy to hear “tedha hai par mera hai” from the better half in the future (still talking about the nose only).

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About Ankit Sharma

Doctor and Drummer in making... Movie-buff since birth.
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