Shashi Tharoor Speech Level: Bollywood

This past week I kept getting links and videos of the Shashi Tharoor speech that he gave recently at some spell-bee contest or Dance England Dance reality show. I, obviously, did not bother to watch that video at first because I have a limited data pack and I cannot waste it over a boring speech when I have a lot of brazzers and facebook to explore. I read about it a lot in the news and I saw how proud he had made Indians, and hence I immediately followed his twitter account and wrote a patriotic message to him: “Proud of you sir! When are you getting married next? Please Invite Karna!”

The speech, as people tell me, left even the British people in awe. That speaks volumes because for the first time they did not make fun of someone’s Indian accent, leave alone making fun of a South-Indian accent. The speech had a lot of big words from the Oxford dictionary, and hence I am still waiting for an easier translation of the speech, hopefully including words such as “Le li tumne”, “daaku Saale” and “abey oh queen, paise kya tera baap wapas karega?”. The crux of the speech was how the British looted India and left us a poor nation. Mr. Tharoor plans to recite the entire document with the word ‘Congress’ in place of ‘Britain’ at Sonia Gandhi’s house next week.

Our Prime Minister Narendra Modi has praised Mr. Tharoor’s words and has promised that the entire video would be released in theatres next week, tax-free! PM Modi, however, was not happy with Tharoor not using any movie dialogue in his speech like Modiji himself does, but they reconciled after Mr. Tharoor promised to dance on Daler Mehendi’s Rang De Basanti the next time he goes to England. The speech has been told to be the second most patriotic thing that any Indian has done abroad, with the top act still being Saurav Ganguly’s nipple-show at Lord’s in the 2002 final.

Mr. Tharoor has said that Britain should pay back all the resources and money that they took from us till around 67 years back, to which the British government has reacted in a positive way by saying, “Please keep the bottle down now, Mr. Tharoor!”. He asked them to pay back after having calculated all the lives lost and resources taken in monetary terms himself, all adjusted to inflation, which made the entire North Indian Gupta-Aggarwal community shed a few tears of pride.

The young generation of India has found a new idol in Mr. Tharoor, because the guys already hate the British for adding 30 more chapters in their school history books and the girls just love the way he strikes his hair back many times in the speech. They even ignored the fact that he said he will take 8 minutes, but just like most Indian teachers, went on for almost twice of that.

Honestly, I liked his speech too. He stated a lot of correct history facts in his ‘Foreign-Education’ level English. But the fact that British rule sucked had already been explained to me by Akshay Kumar in Namastey London. I wish Mr. Tharoor had uprooted a hand-pump or something too. That would have been better than Saurav Ganguly’s hairy chest on national TV. No, wait. Can’t beat that.



About Ankit Sharma

Doctor and Drummer in making... Movie-buff since birth.
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