The Not-So-Serious Guide To Renting An Apartment


Delhi is such a city where the rent for a place you want to live in depends upon the area, proximity to metro, ease of inviting guests of opposite gender and your gullibility as a tenant. You may get your dream fully-furnished spacious flat where your friends can come over without the senile aunty downstairs giving you judgmental ‘hope-you-die-of-Herpes’ looks, or you may get stuck at a place where you may have to sleep with a foot on the stove and the other in the commode. I recently shifted into a new place and hence I shall share my experience to get a few likes try and help you people.

1. Location
Make sure that your flat is on the top-most floor of the building and as far as away from the local Paan-wallah shop, so that arthritis and nicotine-addiction can prevent aunty and uncle landlord respectively from making any surprise visits. To be doubly sure, get a huge dog, or a chainsaw. Take a walk around your place on the first day and note the distance from important places of utility and emergency like your work place, nearby market, closest female PG accommodation and the local booze shop.

2. Number of rooms
One BHK has given me a bedroom to put my bed in, a hall to put my extra chairs and broken table in, and a kitchen which is pretty much useless to me because Maggi just got banned. Now put an AC in your bedroom, a fridge in your kitchen, and lame ‘my rules’ or ‘beer rocks’ or football posters in your hall, and that should be enough to make you accept the fact that #ForeverAlone is the bitter truth of life.

3. Toilet
The T usually gets ignored in all the B-H-K discussions, though the importance of a toilet is directly proportional to the distance from the public toilets called the nearest railway line. The most important thing is whether there is good 3G network reception in the toilet. One must know if it is Western or Indian style, because that would determine whether you’ll read newspaper or the could-have-been award winning blog NotInTandem on the seat, or will have to endure numbness and tingling sensation in your feet as a sign of lack of blood supply due to excessive squatting.

4. Food options
I have classified the delivery outlets and tiffin services around my new place into following categories:

To order in the first 5 days after the salary (all good non-veg outlets)
To order whenever family has come (all average vegetarian outlets)
Cheap To-go-with-booze snacks (the Chinese van next to the Sulabh complex)
To order in the last 5 days of the month (the local watery dal-serving dabbah service)
Koi Dushman ko bhi ye na khilaaye (to be ordered only when the landlord shows up)

Always ask for extra plates and spoons because, admit it, you can’t use Pril and Scotch Brite properly to save your life.

Please tell me if I have missed anything in the above list. Also, wish me luck because I am new at this and though Shahdara is every bit as awesome as I said in the previous post, I still haven’t been able to find a restaurant I will order from when my landlord shows up.

*Evil Laugh*


About Ankit Sharma

Doctor and Drummer in making... Movie-buff since birth.
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2 Responses to The Not-So-Serious Guide To Renting An Apartment

  1. Aman says:

    I can help you out with the last problem. There’s a Dampukht jaundice center near A pocket for your landlord.

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