As per a new proposal from the Health Ministry of Govt of India, a fresh MBBS graduate will have to take an ‘exit’ exam before he/she gets to practise medicine. This exam will be different from the pre-medical entrance test in a special way that you would no more have Indra Gandhi Open University or a career in veterinary medicine as a fail-safe option. The exam has been reportedly suggested to improve the quality of doctors in India, but if you ask me, this exam is the answer to the bigger conspiracy of “How can we ensure that a doctor doesn’t earn any money until he goes bald?” Or “Is there any other place where we can fit in another exam after MBBS?” by the ministry.
This proposal has received mixed reactions from the different states, with Bihar going “manaa nahi karenge isey, keh ke Leak karenge iski”, while those
stuck in doing rural service have just put forward a humble request to the ministry to at least use some lubrication. The format of the exam hasn’t been finalised yet, but it is rumoured that the last question will always be “On a scale from zero to Surender Nadda ki m@@&*₹%, how badly do you want to kill yourself?”.
The reason for taking the exam is a little confusing. You pass four exam in four years of MBBS and also an MCI exam if you are a foreign medical graduate (aka the dude who did it with girls from ‘phoren’ country), and still have to pass another exam to make the ministry believe that you actually learnt something. I miss the good old days when just ‘Mummy Kasam’ used to handle things like that.
The proposal says that the graduates failing the exam may not be allowed to enter post-graduate courses, which is just another random addition to the list of things that will stop you from doing PG:
•If you haven’t spent the years you could actually father a child in doing rural service
•If you haven’t cleared exit exam
•If you haven’t cleared the PG-entrance exam. Duh!
•If you haven’t cried while watching Satyamev Jayate
•If you have paid or charged more than ₹3 for an ultrasound
•If you have ever had a fantasy dream about any other woman than Mother Teresa
•If you haven’t got beaten up at least once in emergency room of a hospital
The exam will bring another round of coaching institutes, wasted year, paying-guest rooms, liver problems, and one more stupid advertisement for IIN into our lives. There are simpler options to avoid the exam, like parents beating up their kids to make them go for MBA or the govt trying to stop being a bitch or doing Homeopathy and selling sugary white balls in different sizes as
sex-toys medicines. Ayurveda is still not a good option because of the dictatorship of Baba Ramdev, and the fact that no amount of research or any chemical modification to Cow dung will invent a boy-producing pill ever again, hence making it a dead-end for a career in medicine.
Being the jugaadu people that we are, we will find a way. Whether it is through march, candle-light vigils, or befriending more jugaadu people from Bihar and Bengal, we will find a way to pass or bypass the exam. For fail-safe, we still have IIN, don’t we?