At least once in life, every person in India who is either an unmarried male or not Hrithik Roshan, has the following thought: “I think I should start working out”. The average span of such a thought is 24 hours, or the next bottle of beer opening in front of the person, whichever comes first. Some of those who survive that, drop out soon because the charges for a decent gym membership could be anything from ₹3000 a month to your parents’ provident fund or that piece of land your father bought for his retirement.
According to a fictional survey, from the reasons that people listed for going to the gym, “I want to feel good about my body” was the second most common, losing out to “meri shadi nahi ho rahi” which came at the first place. However, experts say that if at least men were honest, we could’ve got “To ‘Imprass’ the ladies” as the unanimous answer. At least in Najafgarh and West Delhi, because look what McDonald’s has done to us!
Unisex gyms are more popular than gender specific gyms(also known as Paramjeet Kaur Aerobics classes), mostly because guys find their ‘motivations’ there. On the downside, a lot of exercise time is wasted wondering if the lone hot female member of the gym is on Tinder or not, and whether one should leave his job just to match her gym timings with his own. I now understand why a girl would want to date a bottle of protein shake stinking of sweat and not the underweight, low-on-confidence breed of men I belong to… just because their biceps are thicker than our thighs.
Fun Tip: To ensure 100% occupancy of all the treadmills in a gym, just ensure that one of them has a female person running on it.
This post may just be a jealously-filled rant because last year, I actually tried to exercise hard during my small and irregular gym time schedule. I even made it to the point where I could do four-and-a-half push ups without losing the will to live. Such was my dedication to gym that my favourite part of the routine was the body ache which made me miss the next 3-4 days, because that way I didn’t get to hear all the grunting noises people made while picking up weights roughly equal to 5 Dolly Bindra units, with the decibel level steadily increasing every single time a woman enters the gym.
Just next to my push-ups spot there used to be the ‘centre-of-attraction’ guy doing push-ups with one arm, so my daily routine used to be four-push ups plus one trial of pulling myself up while plotting that guy’s murder. I failed miserably at both the above things. Hence, now I have a lean body with a three inches thick abdominal fat cover and Amit-Shah-minus-two level double-chin. My Mother is worried now, but I justify it quite well. “Insulation is the need of the hour, mother! Winter is coming!”