The ‘Why Anaesthesia?’ Post

This post is an open letter to all the people who have ever questioned a person over his choice of subject for specialisation after MBBS, because somehow, the concept of ‘kuchh toh mil raha hai saalo, lene do’, is not well understood by them. I want anaesthesia, and if you are against that and care about me, then please take surgery and ensure my employment. I will not charge more than what I need to fulfil my basic needs of Roti, Kapda, Makaan, Booze, Platonic massages on foreign tours, Pocket money for future son and Dowry money for future daughter. I swear.

My decision-making hasn’t been that great in life. I decided I would take up academics and not sports or music because I realised the lack of talent interest in me. Later, I decided I wanted to become a doctor because I realised I suck at making good decisions for myself in life. That, and the fact that Mathematics had comfort issues with me. I decided I didn’t want to to go out of India because I realised I suck at English. So, now you shouldn’t feel surprised when you hear the reason I want to take Anaesthesia. All that ketamine will not steal and inject itself.

People have been enlisting all kinds of cons about the branch, but I usually have my defense ready:

1. No patient would actually be yours.

See, that is actually a good thing. It means lesser ‘Aamir Khan logic’-backed allegations, and a 0.37% lesser chance of getting beaten up by attendants. Except may be outside an ICU, where it is mostly ‘Saavdhani Hati, Durghatna Ghati’ for an anaesthesiologist. I am not saying I don’t like to interact with my patients. It’s just that I don’t prefer questions like if they should take medicine with milk or water or Gau-Mutra(also known as Karele ka juice in northern India). So, I love my patients asleep or unconscious, or as Ronan Keating puts it, ‘You say it best when you say nothing at all’.

2. Less challenging than surgical branches.
Personally, I trust my IQ to take care of that. My mother refutes any birth hypoxia theory in my case, so I am still trying to find out the reason I couldn’t learn how to ride a bicycle till 6th standard. So, anaesthesia will be only slightly less challenging to me than politics is to Rahul Gandhi.

3. It’s not a masculine branch.
Even if I imagine that to be true, I don’t have a problem with that. Just put on ‘chittiyaan kalaiyaan’ song anywhere, and majority of boys would start dancing like pretty little girls. So being a part of the neo-feminist world, I beg you not to say things like that. Requestaan paaiyaan wey.

4. It ain’t glorious or highly-paying like other branches.
May be. But then, whenever I will be asked to make a choice between standing non-stop from 8AM to 3PM operating on someone and having lunch at 1PM in peace, I will be tempted to choose the latter. Plus I will have enough glory when I make a high score in Subway Surfer sitting in the OT.

So, other than #MyChoice, I have the above nonsense to throw at people’s faces when asked the question again. If you are still not satisfied, then please go bother someone else. I have to practise Subway Surfer.

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About Ankit Sharma

Doctor and Drummer in making... Movie-buff since birth.
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