Delhi-ness: A Cultural Shock


Yes, I am a 24-year old Delhi guy. But I swear there is more to my breed than uninhibited lust and ‘test-tube babies’ asking others if they know ki unka baap kaun hai. Especially after the discovery of ethanol in Hauz Khas, Delhi has changed. Here is an attempt to realise what and how:

1. OMG That’s totally my song.
Usually heard in South Delhi pubs, this phrase is now used by 70% of Delhi women who feel they somehow own a song because they can lip-sync an entire english song with really tough lyrics such as “Put your hands up” repeated over and over. By the same concept, OMG! Tutak Tutak Tutiyaan is totally MY song.

2. AAP supporter? Mada₹@%&#!
Our political tolerance has taken a backseat ever since that Benadryl-resistant activist came into the scene. According to a fictional survey, Kiran Bedi hot videos and Yogendra Yadav dirty talk were the most searched terms on google in 2015. The state is, however, still united over Rahul Gandhi jokes.

3. But first, let me take a selfie!
If taking your own photo was not a lonely enough habit, the invention of selfie sticks has now upgraded our self-obsession to Poonam Pandey level and has converted our facebook profiles into a pond full of duck-faces. Yes, I confess, I too have taken group selfies. But in my defense, I did it in a west Delhi pub, where it is OK to do anything as long as, in actual words of a manager, “Sir it has been 2 hours, please order something”.

4. Zyada mat ghoor, Bhabhi hai Teri!
It doesn’t matter if you are seeing her for the first time, or haven’t talked to her yet, or if you have never talked to a girl other than your mother in your life, because for Delhi stags, it is ALWAYS love at first sight, followed by family planning at second sight. And ladies, trust me when I say that we are very romantic, because it is only our Jaat-accent-rich English that kills it.

5. The scenic beauty.
No, I am not talking about Miranda House. I am talking about the city in general. It is beautiful, as long as you stay on my side of Yamuna and forget that Ghaziabad is a part of NCR. Actually, we Delhiites are jealous of the fact the fact that Akhilesh Yadav’s nose is curvier than the AIIMS flyover, hence we dislike anything from UP, be it Noida, Gzb or the entire audience at a Salman Khan movie.
Photo: Bewakoof.com t-shirt

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About Ankit Sharma

Doctor and Drummer in making... Movie-buff since birth.
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