Error 404: Decoding Rahul Gandhi

 

In every Yuga, there will the birth of a human being who will eradicate injustice and claim the world as his own. Or as Anurag Kashyap says, “Sabka badla lega re tera Faizal”. But on the other “tumse na ho paayega” end of the spectrum, is a person who on his own day (which is every moment with Arnab Goswami) can put any comedian to shame. Yes, the man who goes to Bangkok to ‘introspect’ after a loss, Mr. Rahul Gandhi.

He has said a lot of things in his life. Some funny, some hilarious, while the rest are just baawda-ho-gaya-hai-ke crazy. I, a mere fan, have tried to decipher exactly what thoughts went behind those emotionally charged and socially retarded statements. Disclaimer: All quotes have been taken from wikiquotes. Yes, I too found out about it just today.

Quote: If one belongs to a backward caste and wants to attain success then one needs an escape velocity to attain that success.
What he was thinking while saying it: H.C. Verma bhe%₹@&?/€¥@

Quote: A rising tide raises all boats, but you need a boat to rise with the tide. What does he who does not have a boat do?
What he was thinking while saying it: Party workers should listen to Naav from Udaan! Very nice song about boats.

Quote: Politics is everywhere. It’s in your shirt, it’s in your pants. It’s everywhere.
What he actually meant: Kyuki meri shirt bhi sexy, meri pant bhi sexy, Mai to neta hi sexy huu.

Quote: I went to University in 1991, and I remember, nobody thought of India. I remember conversations where people would laugh and say, “Do you have elephants on the road?”
What he actually meant: HAHAHAHA What’s a university? But Damn! Even P. Chidambaram is more famous than me. But when did they see him on the road?

Quote: India is the Saudi Arabia of human resources for the 21st century.
What he almost also said: Of course I have been to the palm islands. Chennai by train, then cruise till Port Blair.

Quote: IIT professor has no idea about what his value is. He has got no idea about what he is worth. Because he is not connected to the market.
What he actually meant: Chu! Everyone knows that you do MBA after B.Tech.

Quote: When I was training to be a pilot, there was a large section in the book on how to drop mail from the plane.
The complete story: Such a large and boring section. That’s why I dropped out of school. Wait. That was college? Yeah whatever.

Quote: We need to empower everybody, not one person, not almost everybody, but everybody.
Subliminal message: Rahul Gandhi doesn’t know who women are. But he will find them, and he will empower them.

Quote: If India is computer, Congress is its default program.
Absolutely unrelated to: Your desktop is not using a genuine version of Windows.

Quote: Poverty is a state of mind.
What he said a few days later: Congress ek soch hai, aur ye soch hamare dil me hai!

Advertisements

About Ankit Sharma

Doctor and Drummer in making... Movie-buff since birth.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Error 404: Decoding Rahul Gandhi

  1. Manjinder says:

    Naav from udaan!! Stirs memories! ;p the “perfectionist project” :p

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s