Mumbai Police has granted permission to its bars and restaurants to stay open through the night, which is the biggest boost to the Indian Party scene since the invention of Desi Tharra ka Pauwa. Yet, Delhi Police continues to ensure closure of bars by 1AM citing reasons like law and safety and beauty-sleep of their hawaldars. Delhi Police has termed this idea as a ‘Recipe for disaster’ as they believe that women safety in Delhi will be compromised because of this. However, even while using WiFi at peak speed in CP, the phrase ‘women safety in Delhi’ did not yield any results on google search. Worst. Satire. Ever.
Anyways. I would love to party for an extended time after midnight in Delhi, given that the bar provides me with affordable combos of beer and masala papad even after midnight, and hence here are a few ideas that might help improve security in Delhi:
1. Every girl must be accompanied by a potato-shaped Gurgaon gym addict to get entry into a bar. Special subsidy to be provided for protein supplements by Kejriwal government. The warrantee on security remains limited to Delhi only, because of the “You can take a Jaat out of Gurgaon, but you cannot take Gurgaon out of a Jaat” effect.
2. About 15 lakh CCTV cameras to be installed inside and outside the bars of Delhi. Might not be the best idea, because of all the make-out videos of young couples at shady Rajouri pubs we might have to delete daily, but it is still a great promise. *Waits to get elected as CM*
3. Women only cab services to be run even in the night, but with fully clad female drivers who will not pick up any ride from any Chinese restaurant because, you know, wahaa chowmein milti hai. Also, the windows of those cabs to be reinforced using PM’s chest sweat.
The refusal by Delhi Police has many reasons, most important being that they are upset about not getting an annual performance by SRK and Johnny Lever like their Mumbai counterparts, and the fact that most of their time and energy is spent in playing WWE with AAP workers at Jantar Mantar. I would love to talk to the Delhi Police and make them realise the benefits of late night parties, like postponing domestic violence at Rahul Mahajan’s house by minimum 3-4 hours.
Well, my hopes for late night parties have been rejuvenated by the fact that a strict policewoman like Kiran Bedi has lost the elections. In the hindsight, it wouldn’t have mattered much because “Agar aunty police bula legi, to yaar tera kar lega handle”.