It’s a special feeling to be a doctor. Especially in India, where if you become a doctor, people start saying nice things about you, like “Bloody nerd he will never have a girlfriend in life” and “Abe us chutiye ke paper chalte rehte hain, wo nahi aega party me“.
For our parents, all the hardships that we go through amount to only one thing: Their ability to imply and show off that their gametes fused for a higher purpose than others’. Now I am convinced that my parents have the ability to turn any conversation towards my profession:
Random person 1: Who are you going to vote for this time?
My Parents: I think AAP. They can work towards better healthcare. Hamara kya hai, bachche doctor hain na, wahi batate hain kya haalat hai.
Random Person 2: It is so cold these days no?!
My Parents: Yes! I keep asking my son to take an extra blanket. Medical College hostel hai, pata nahi kaisa system ho.
Other than years of books and diseases, we also have other problems in life, like the odd patient who doesn’t shy away form coughing at the face of a person who is, well… writing a prescription for his cough. That, and late marriage. A fictional survey says that a doctor marries 2-3 years later than others. With each passing year beyond MBBS, a doctor’s hairline, libido and the willpower to tolerate a wife keeps on decreasing. It’s not that we never look for partners. There have been great days where I have gone out to happening places like Hauz Khas to have a few drinks, ogle at beautiful women, feel ignored, come back home, curl myself into a fetal position and cry myself to sleep.
To help us cope with such nonsense, Doctors become ardent drinkers, especially when provided with expensive alcohol sponsored by someone else. Our favourite timepass is to get drunk and dance inappropriately on Bollywood item numbers. Beyond a certain blood alcohol level, we can even do bhangra on 5 saal Kejriwal or Jingle bell. Our all time favourite, just like every West Delhi DJ, is Ishq Tera Tadpaawe.
So, now you know. I became a doctor for the four reasons same as everyone else. Women, free booze, getting away without having to pay a traffic police challan, and… Women.