“Hello, Kab tak aega?”
“Bas 5 minute me”
“Laundiyaa saala, make-up lagata hai kya?”
That’s how a meeting starts when two guys decide to catch up(read: meet after some time or one of them feels thirsty for beer), and one of them is late by more than 30 seconds. I believe it is OK to scream at or mock your guy friend if he is running late. We have, since forever, waited for women we date for an amount of time from 5 minutes to ‘Just lost interest in her’, and the last thing a guy deserves is an Et tu Brute?
An average meeting with friends lasts almost 3 hours, out of which we have to subtract 15 minutes per female in the group that are wasted in deciding the place that we want to sit at. If it’s a guys-only meeting, the place is decided as soon as it satisfies the following criteria:
>Music louder than the gang of selfie-crazed females on the next table.
Of course, if there is a ladies night, we don’t care about the above three criteria.
I am also proud of how easily we guys order drinks. We just flip through the entire wine and whiskey section, and ask the bartender “boss, beer ki badi bottle pe happy hours hain kya?”
No prize for guessing that irrespective of the answer, we order only that. Depending upon the budget and self-esteem that particular day, the time to wait for something complimentary with the beer varies. If nothing arrives within 20 minutes of the first sip, then masala peanuts it is!
We hope that one and a half plate of masala peanuts and three bottles each satisfies our hunger. If not, then it is mostly McAloo Tikkis at McDonald’s, except if it is a birthday treat. Then it is McChicken at McDonald’s. Yum!
The most important point of a guys’ day out is the part where the bill arrives, and like responsible baniyas, we divide it perfectly to two places of decimal.
The only part where we behave like college students and not Gujarati misers is about the tip to be left.
“Tera baap Ambani hai kya? Service tax laga to hua hai!”