I am a Hindu. I wasn’t asked what i wanted to be, else i would have opted to be an Avenger, or Byomkesh Bakshi, but my parents tell me it is not my choice. I am Hindu by birth, which means by the time I die i would know the names of 330 Million Gods, I get to cut my hair (with an added provision of keeping a choti) and i get to keep my prepuce.
Being a Hindu as per some extremists means celebrating your religion, as well as preserving your culture from western influence such as alcoholism, short clothes, and having a girlfriend.
I actually tried to be an extremist in my own mind and to match the ridiculously low thinking standards of some leaders, I came up with following issues to make noise and get noticed:
1. Batman movies to be boycotted in India, because we only want a Hindu Bale, not a Christian one.
2. Yo Yo Honey Singh is anti-hindutva. He should alter his lyrics to something absurd, yet Indian like
Char bottle Gangaajal…
Saath me chakhna SeetaPhal…
And he should change his name to Har Har Modi Ji. Oh wait. That one’s taken.
It doesn’t matter how much power or seats BJP gets in elections in the name of governance and development, there would always be people like Yogi Adityanath… who want to take us to an alternate world, a world where Hinduism is the single biggest religion, the pope is called Papa ji, and most importantly, Hindus have more control over the loudspeakers, because their can be no development without disturbing students studying in their houses by Navratra songs’ noise. Add those intentions to the regressive thinking of Khap Panchayats, and that’s the recipe for your own Mini North Korea.
There are a lot of good things that religion or culture teaches us. For every thing else, there’s a Khap Panchayat.