Our finance minister Mr. Arun Jaitley has provided the budget sheet for the financial year 2015-16, and like always, the budget has got mixed response from the audience. To the common man, the budget is mostly like Poonam Pandey: A lot of promise but no delivery, though the corporate sector has called the budget ‘highly seductive’, hence some Adanis and Ambanis were found molesting themselves while watching DD Loksabha on Saturday.
Rahul Gandhi did not attend the session, and it is important news because we all know what a financial genius he is, and how his IQ has set a record among vegetables. Still, the Congress party maintains that he would be following the budget closely even on his vacation, most probably introspecting: “Man! Jaitley’s bald head seems so bright! *looks at his joint* This shit is good!”
This budget session was highly anticipated because it was preceded by very auspicious and nation-shaping events such as release of Roy, almost-extinction of Kejriwal’s cough and yet another Narendra Modi speech, which included new path-breaking phrases such as “Congress sucks” and elements of mass appeal such as “Mitron” and “Bhaiyo aur Beheno”.
This year, a portion has also been allocated to promote education in special weaker sections of the population and hence, many new colleges like IIN Parliament and IIN 10 Janpath will soon be opened.
The budget has special focus on young India, so students will be provided with monetary loans to study and talented students would be helped to get entries into reality shows like Li’l champs so that they get to hear motivational lines such as “Don’t worry beta!! So what if you have been voted out and scarred for life. You already suck at studies, so wait till the puberty hormones screw up your voice and *Bane voice* then you have my permission to cry.”
Budget, as I have been told by my parents, is very important and now I agree. So for the past four years I have read the newspaper of the next morning very thoroughly so that I am well aware of the expected prices whenever I visit a Theka next. Just kidding. I also look at the entertainment tax section because MSG 2 or Ragini MMS 3 might release this year. I confess that the rest of tax-scheme make very less sense to me, but I am sure I am still better than Rahul Gandhi. At least I know the full form of VAT.
At last, here are a few reactions(may be) by prominent people to the budget:
P.Chidambaram: Haha! Now he will also get his name urinated upon on the walls of railway stations.
Digvijay Singh: *something which didn’t make much sense*
Arvind Kejriwal: Price of Benadryl increased? Aam Aadmi Party iski jaanch karwaegi.
Mukesh Ambani: Majaa aawi gayo!!
But most importantly:
Rahul Gandhi: *puff* Yeaaahhh!