To be honest, I’m not very pleased about the fact that I’m almost 28 years old and still taking my exams, while some of the people from my school are getting their kids admitted in kindergarten. The fact that they have spent the last 2-3 years changing soiled diapers made me feel better momentarily, till the realisation kicked in that I’m a doctor and I’ve had contact with far worse things than a greenish-yellow Poko pant. Anyway, talking about shit se yaad aaya, I just finished theory exams for my MD degree.
I have never been a bad student in my life. Well, based on what I realised from my preparation for these exams, I have never been THIS bad a student in my life. I have prepared for a lot of exams in my life, and it does not seem to be stopping anytime soon, so at times I just sit back and try to figure out if, as life is going on, the exams just keep getting tougher or I just keep getting more and more stupid. Yet, the blog post is not about that. It is about how difficult it is to pass time before the exam, yet how little time there is to prepare well for the exam. As Michael Scott once said, “Somehow, I manage”. Ok. Let me tell you how.
7AM. Alarm rings. Snooze, because that’s what it was invented for.
730AM. Second alarm rings. Brain is torn apart between the need to wake up for studying and the impulse of wanting to throw the goddamn phone out of the window. Economics and practicality win, and I wake up.
830AM. The usual morning routine of ‘laying awake on the bed loathing life choices, using washroom, taking a bath, looking at the stack of books and questioning the existence of concept of justice in life’ is finished.
9AM. A decision is arrived at to have a heavy breakfast before starting studies.
930AM. Breakfast arrives and is enjoyed with a hearty side order of Facebook memes and YouTube videos.
10AM. Breakfast over.
11AM. Streak of facebook memes over.
1110AM. Sleepiness kicks in due to heavy breakfast. 20 minutes worth of Punjabi cuss words are dedicated to the concept of exams.
1130AM. First actual session of study begins.
1230PM. Hunger pangs begin. Non-vegetarian lunch is ordered to uplift the mood and form the basis for an afternoon nap so that it’s eventually evening and productivity can rise due to a scientific phenomenon called as ‘bamboo ghus gaya‘.
2PM. Anxiety takes a toll and the best calming strategy ever known to man is summoned. It is a family blog, hence all I can tell you is that the strategy involves internet, anti-culture websites and a few minutes of fatigue and slight dehydration leading to sleep.
5PM. Wake up. Scream.
510PM. Stop screaming. Start crying.
530PM. Stop crying. Open 12 different books and read through them frantically, using the words ‘these are the keywords, rest I’ll just cook something up’.
1130PM. Wonder if your friends are as screwed up as you are.
12AM. Convince yourself that they are. Call your fiancée so that she can calm you down.
1245AM. Say good night to your fiancée and thank her for calming you down.
1AM. Realise that you haven’t calmed down. Summon the calming technique once more.
120AM. Disappoint yourself. Go to sleep.
7AM. Wake up. Scream.
9AM. Make plans for after-exams party.
10AM. Receive the question paper. Faint and/or let your heart die a little.
1PM. Lie to yourself that you’ll do better in the next paper.
2PM. Reach home. Take a post-exam nap while dreaming of changing soiled diapers in near future.