The ‘Why Anaesthesia?’ Post

This post is an open letter to all the people who have ever questioned a person over his choice of subject for specialisation after MBBS, because somehow, the concept of ‘kuchh toh mil raha hai saalo, lene do’, is not well understood by them. I want anaesthesia, and if you are against that and care about me, then please take surgery and ensure my employment. I will not charge more than what I need to fulfil my basic needs of Roti, Kapda, Makaan, Booze, Platonic massages on foreign tours, Pocket money for future son and Dowry money for future daughter. I swear.

My decision-making hasn’t been that great in life. I decided I would take up academics and not sports or music because I realised the lack of talent interest in me. Later, I decided I wanted to become a doctor because I realised I suck at making good decisions for myself in life. That, and the fact that Mathematics had comfort issues with me. I decided I didn’t want to to go out of India because I realised I suck at English. So, now you shouldn’t feel surprised when you hear the reason I want to take Anaesthesia. All that ketamine will not steal and inject itself.

People have been enlisting all kinds of cons about the branch, but I usually have my defense ready:

1. No patient would actually be yours.

See, that is actually a good thing. It means lesser ‘Aamir Khan logic’-backed allegations, and a 0.37% lesser chance of getting beaten up by attendants. Except may be outside an ICU, where it is mostly ‘Saavdhani Hati, Durghatna Ghati’ for an anaesthesiologist. I am not saying I don’t like to interact with my patients. It’s just that I don’t prefer questions like if they should take medicine with milk or water or Gau-Mutra(also known as Karele ka juice in northern India). So, I love my patients asleep or unconscious, or as Ronan Keating puts it, ‘You say it best when you say nothing at all’.

2. Less challenging than surgical branches.
Personally, I trust my IQ to take care of that. My mother refutes any birth hypoxia theory in my case, so I am still trying to find out the reason I couldn’t learn how to ride a bicycle till 6th standard. So, anaesthesia will be only slightly less challenging to me than politics is to Rahul Gandhi.

3. It’s not a masculine branch.
Even if I imagine that to be true, I don’t have a problem with that. Just put on ‘chittiyaan kalaiyaan’ song anywhere, and majority of boys would start dancing like pretty little girls. So being a part of the neo-feminist world, I beg you not to say things like that. Requestaan paaiyaan wey.

4. It ain’t glorious or highly-paying like other branches.
May be. But then, whenever I will be asked to make a choice between standing non-stop from 8AM to 3PM operating on someone and having lunch at 1PM in peace, I will be tempted to choose the latter. Plus I will have enough glory when I make a high score in Subway Surfer sitting in the OT.

So, other than #MyChoice, I have the above nonsense to throw at people’s faces when asked the question again. If you are still not satisfied, then please go bother someone else. I have to practise Subway Surfer.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Being Junior Resident – III: The Goodbye

Over the last four months, I couldn’t help but notice that JRship is like a girlfriend who is least demanding in nature, pays for your parties and shopping, but unfortunately the one you can’t get serious with. She will break up with you just when you think you want to take things to next level stay a JR forever. So it is better to keep it platonic with such a someone and just leech off as much as you can, or as women call it, friend-zoning a guy.

Being a JR in endocrinology(English for hormonal locha) teaches you a few important lessons in life:

1. The world may just be Moh-Maya, but easy money never hurt anyone. Except may be your liver.

2. A substantial part of the easy money will vanish unnoticed in the form of hangover. As I said, Liver ki M@ ki %@₹@

3. You need to be with like-minded party-freak/procrastinators/kaamchor people to enjoy your work.

4. If you stick around long enough, no matter how hard you try NOT to, you will end up learning something useful. Don’t try too hard to fight it.

5. Diabetes sucks. If you really hate someone, it is better to wish that he/she gets diabetes because wishing someone to catch STDs is just so old school.

I also achieved some personal milestones along my journey as a JR, like using the words ‘continue same treatment x 6 months’ more than a 1000 times, writing casual leave applications without diarrhoea as an excuse, and using a free pen from start to finish without losing it. The downside of being a JR for all these months was not being able to stay at home to get fat while finishing seasons of Breaking Bad, and the guilt that came because of misplacing most of the free pens.

Being a JR also made me realise what it means to be in a team with every member in a different emotional trip altogether. You want to see agony, look at an SR trying to ask a JR to report on time. You want to see frustration, look at a consultant watching the above conversation going on between JR and SR. You want to see laziness, look at a JR five minutes before the start of an OPD.

Jokes apart, I worked under brilliant seniors and was supported by a helpful team in the past 4 months. You can consider this post my letter of thanks to them, but without any tags to obtain extra likes. Who do you think I am? Poonam Pandey facebook version?

You can also read Part 1 and Part 2 of the series. Let me know if you liked it, because may be, coming soon: Being Post Graduate. :)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Indo-Drunkarian Tourist in Goa

I am on a vacation in Goa, which is my second trip to the place where you can relax with a drink and introspect (Greek for putting on sunglasses and ogling at women). Goa is a tourist attraction which boasts of beautiful beaches and pretty women in nice clothes or lack thereof, unless you are at Calangute, which is crowded, dirty and full of middle-aged men and women in maximum clothes possible, or in Delhi terms, Ghaziabad near the sea.

The beginning of a Goa trip is always the same pattern of:
Hey I see the beach!! WhooHoo!!
*removes T-shirt and runs towards the beach*
Damn it. Burning Hot sand.
*tip toes ahead while making ow ow ow noises*
Yeah. Cold sand.
*removes shorts, runs some more*
Hey Sea!! Here I come!
WHATTHEFUUUUU My eyes! Damn you stupid salty water!
*comes out of the water*
Fuck. Where are my clothes and bag?

But once you settle down, there is so much that an Indian can do here. Some of my favourite things that we do here are:

1. Get a temporary tattoo made in 20 minutes while torturing the artist for the entire duration with question “Bhaiya pakka do hafta chalega na?”

2. Buy printed shorts and a hat, and walk on the beach pretending you are Peter Andre, while listening to Yo Yo Honey Singh on your humongous bright red headphones.

3. Suck in your paunch and walk confidently towards a group of young girls, turn 180 degrees, pretend to signal someone, exhale because you can’t hold it in anymore, suck in the paunch again and turn back. Repeat.

4. Go to any shack party, raise your arms and dance gracefully like you saw people doing in the Tomorrowland video on YouTube, till you have had a little too much to drink, which is when ‘Govinda at Ganpati Visarjan’ mode will inevitably be switched on.

5. Get any bike, pretend it is Harley Davidson or Enfield, and risk an accident every single time a girl on a scooter goes riding by from the opposite side, because you can’t help but stare, because, you know, Dilli se hu Bhench**.

Whatever you do, please do not wear fake tattoo sleeves, because “OMG look at that brown guy with awesome tattoos so manly and hot” was said by NO ONE EVER.

Every tourist destination has its designated crowd, e.g. Kerala has families, Mumbai has young mixed groups of friends, Delhi and Haryana have no tourists at all, Kasaul has drug addicts, but Goa is a place where all categories can co-exist, but obviously the biggest crowd pullers are the international tourists, called ‘phoren wala log’ by the local Goans and ‘Mast Gori Ladkiya’ by the rest of India.

The booze is really cheap here, but the downside is having to buy bottled water everywhere, because I heard Nitin Gadkari was in Goa recently, so you will always have doubts over the purity of regular water here. When you combine cheap booze with lack of any taxes, it brings tears to your eyes which used to turn red every time you looked at the Bar menu at a Delhi restaurant. God Bless Goa!

To read what went wrong on my previous holiday to Udaipur, click here.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment