Being Junior Resident – II: Freebies!


Without caring about the risk of getting an episode of Satyamev Jayate dedicated to me, I am going to write about doctors’ fondness of getting free things. Right from the times of getting free stationary as return gifts on birthdays, to the current era of free food at Continuing Medical Education(CME) Workshops, we doctors have kept that indigenous Baniya spirit alive inside us. As an enthusiastic JR, most of my conversations regarding immediate benefit of the patients include the words: “Not cap wala yaar! I want click-tick wala pen!”

It’s not that my life wouldn’t go on if I wouldn’t get to eat free food at hotels in disguise of training sessions, but it is indeed very helpful to my career because of two reasons:
1. Because otherwise, my salary enables me to afford two plates of ‘LOL’ and one plate of ‘aage badh bey, aukaat dekhi hai apni’ at the same hotel.
2. I get the opportunity to show off later and feel socially relevant by writing extensive blog posts about it. #ForeverAlone

It is as much about getting things for free, as it is about attending educational seminars to promote our information level from ‘Knows nothing’ to ‘Attended so many CMEs and still knows nothing’. The seminars provide us with opportunity to interact with senior doctors, who look at us and feel proud of having lived in a time when students did not sell their souls for a free lunch. We realise this fact, and hence it is an opportunity for us to introspect deeply about matters such as Why 5 star food is so average, and What was the bald Doctor’s PowerPoint all about?

I have decided to enjoy while I can, because I don’t think this excitement is going to last till the time I have more hair on my ears than on my head (the same time when CMEs might start making some sense to me). I guess by that time, I would have gotten bored of pens and food, so I might feel a little ashamed, and hence plan to limit myself to asking for online shopping vouchers only.

On a serious note, I should try and answer allegations on Doctors and pharmaceuticals only increasing their profits by selling expensive drugs, I have two words… Quality and Research. Hopefully Aamir Khan can understand all this, if at all he gets time from counting his crores or ogling at Katrina Kaif. Else, for all I care, Aamir Khan can suck on my… err… Click-Tick wala pen.

You can read the first part here.

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When In Gujarat, Even Romans Say Saras Chhe!

I recently made a small trip to Ahmedabad, Gujarat for my admission in MD Anaesthesia, and was congratulated by many friends who used kind and motivating words like “Dry state hai mar jaega Saale” and “Choli pehni kisi ladki ki photo bhej na”. Gujarat is a wonderful land of warm people, sweet food and a language which can make even Bajrang Dal people want to make out with same sex people. It is such a lovely language that a turned-on mood is now expressed in terms of “Majja Aawi Gayo” units. Almost Fifty Shades of Chhe!

Talking about Gujarati language, the best word that I learned was Gaanda, which is Gujarati for stupid. Or at least that’s what they told me when they were saying that word and laughing while pointing at me. Anyways, going by that word, Punjabi is just a vowel-change away from Gujarati.

I don’t think I am exaggerating when I say that Ahmedabad is as awesome as Goa, only minus the beaches and alcohol and weather. Well, to be honest, it has got its own IIM, so the city has got more chances of an Indian guy getting laid here than in Goa(at least that’s what Chetan Bhagat tells us).

The roads are smooth, the highways are even smoother, and the flyovers ‘Amit Shah’s scalp lubricated with Dabur Amla’ smooth. There are also huge malls filled with teenagers clicking selfies and standing outside movie halls trying to strike a balance between their hormonal rage and the price of movie tickets. Hence, a Delhiite can never feel homesick here. All said and done, it is a dry state, at least officially, and hence one cannot sit in a bar and impress a woman by buying her a drink. You can, however, buy her a pair of dandiya sticks followed by hours of Raas-Garba, after which she will become dizzy and you can awaken your inner Shakti Kapoor.

As a tourist, I asked around for places to visit and someone actually said(I am not making this up) the following words: “Go to Satellite road. It is very developed.” Hence, the inference is that in Gujarat, roads are divided into Developed, Okayish and ‘bilkul saras na chhe’. They all are, however, very smooth.

I wish I could have had a chance to appreciate the beauty of Gujarati women, but it was indeed a very short trip, hence almost all the Gujaratis that I met were shopkeepers and/or auto drivers. I wish to change that, and hence I would prefer my next visit to be during the Biannual Gujju Women Beauty-Blooming Festival, or as the north Indians call it, the Navratras.

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Delhi-ness: A Cultural Shock

Yes, I am a 24-year old Delhi guy. But I swear there is more to my breed than uninhibited lust and ‘test-tube babies’ asking others if they know ki unka baap kaun hai. Especially after the discovery of ethanol in Hauz Khas, Delhi has changed. Here is an attempt to realise what and how:

1. OMG That’s totally my song.
Usually heard in South Delhi pubs, this phrase is now used by 70% of Delhi women who feel they somehow own a song because they can lip-sync an entire english song with really tough lyrics such as “Put your hands up” repeated over and over. By the same concept, OMG! Tutak Tutak Tutiyaan is totally MY song.

2. AAP supporter? Mada₹@%&#!
Our political tolerance has taken a backseat ever since that Benadryl-resistant activist came into the scene. According to a fictional survey, Kiran Bedi hot videos and Yogendra Yadav dirty talk were the most searched terms on google in 2015. The state is, however, still united over Rahul Gandhi jokes.

3. But first, let me take a selfie!
If taking your own photo was not a lonely enough habit, the invention of selfie sticks has now upgraded our self-obsession to Poonam Pandey level and has converted our facebook profiles into a pond full of duck-faces. Yes, I confess, I too have taken group selfies. But in my defense, I did it in a west Delhi pub, where it is OK to do anything as long as, in actual words of a manager, “Sir it has been 2 hours, please order something”.

4. Zyada mat ghoor, Bhabhi hai Teri!
It doesn’t matter if you are seeing her for the first time, or haven’t talked to her yet, or if you have never talked to a girl other than your mother in your life, because for Delhi stags, it is ALWAYS love at first sight, followed by family planning at second sight. And ladies, trust me when I say that we are very romantic, because it is only our Jaat-accent-rich English that kills it.

5. The scenic beauty.
No, I am not talking about Miranda House. I am talking about the city in general. It is beautiful, as long as you stay on my side of Yamuna and forget that Ghaziabad is a part of NCR. Actually, we Delhiites are jealous of the fact the fact that Akhilesh Yadav’s nose is curvier than the AIIMS flyover, hence we dislike anything from UP, be it Noida, Gzb or the entire audience at a Salman Khan movie.
Photo: t-shirt

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