Travelling Solo and/or Flying Solo

 

This week I went on a trip to Ahmedabad-Udaipur-Jaipur all by myself, which is the only daring thing I have done in life other than taking Biology in class 11th(which is more stupid than daring, but it counts). On the trip, I did some fun stuff like checking the internet for difference between travelling solo and flying solo. For those who have no idea, ‘Travelling Alone’ is going to another city alone and checking into a hotel, while ‘Flying solo’ is what you do when you are in a room alone regardless of the city you are in. #IfYouKnowWhatIMean

The Ahmedabad and Jaipur parts of the trip consisted of cancelling admission from Gujarat and taking admission in Jaipur, or as they call it in medical circles, ‘Jagah Jagah ke dhakke khaana’. The Udaipur part was a break from the routine of getting pushed around, so that I could ‘discover myself’, and listen to ‘Kabeera’ while pretending I am Ranbir Kapoor from, well, every Ranbir movie ever. But then I looked into the mirror, realised the ‘ugly truth’ and went to Udaipur for the only reason that everyone else goes for: Enjoy the view of the lake with a drink.

Due to some serious crunch of options, I had to book a sleeper ticket to Udaipur in the twin berth section, which means I can now tick the box against ‘Slept with a complete stranger’ in online surveys. I had a pretty heavy and cheesy dinner at Domino’s, which is the most evil thing that one can do other than having Mooli-Parathas, before sharing a bed with a stranger. But in a twist of events, it was I who ended up suffering through the night. In his open-mouthed, semi-choked sleep, the gentleman was proudly getting his ‘The Avengers’ message across: “You think you’ve heard snoring? I’ll make you beg for something as musical as snoring.”

Udaipur is a beautiful city with lakes, hills, auto-drivers with a minimum fare of ₹100, and wine-and-beer shop right next to your hotel. The last fact needs to be highlighted because a guy has limited options to kill time with the forty-plus temperature outside. Lal Ghat in Udaipur has pretty roof-top restaurants, who serve you with ‘King of good times’ disguised as ‘Mix Masala – ₹200′ in the bill, because why bother for mythological things such as booze license when you can cook up interesting pseudonyms.

Another interesting place that I visited at Fateh Sagar lake was Nehru Park, which is on an island right in the middle of the lake, with very purposefully dense bushes and trees. They take you to the park on a boat with a ₹30 ticket, which is basically Rajasthan Govt’s ‘Making Out Tax’. For those from Delhi, yes, it is just like Buddha Garden, or as Bajrang Dal calls it, The Hunting Ground.

It was a nice trip, and I realised that “Mai udna chahta daudna chahta Hu, bas rukna nahi chahta”, unless Kareena Kapoor agrees to go with me to Nehru Park. Mostly, because I am tired of flying solo.

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Hey! The Doctor Got His First Salary!

 

Like all ‘First’ things in life, for example first love, first facebook like and first kick in the nuts, the first salary is also an ‘unforgettable’ experience. It makes one feel important, as well as invites mature thoughts to one’s mind such as “If I stop drinking, the salary might last a full month”. It invokes happiness and pride in our parents, as well as leech-like behaviour in friends, who congratulate us from the bottom of their hearts with words like “Abey treat kab dega, Saale baniya hai kya?”

The first thing that I have bought with my paycheck is a laptop, because I intend to do important and productive work like watching Big Bang Theory for hours, till my mother starts to give me looks. The second important thing that I did was to download torrent software because, you know, Winter is coming. Up next in my ‘Things I would buy if at all I get my salary’ list is a drum set, or as my friends call it, bum-bhos**a.

My parents say that now that I have started earning, I should start thinking about saving which, if you ask me, is just a middle-class urban legend because after tax-deductions, petrol and lunch expenditure, and a few treats, my bank account statement reads LOL. I now realise what ‘nanga nahayega kya aur nichodega kya’ means. There is an important reason that doctors advise to say no to drugs, because whatever we earn, is enough for our need, but none for our weed.

About the salary amount, let me just say that I earn the maximum one can in India if he practices what he learnt while getting a degree. The two professions which have more money that medicine are Consultancy and Politics, but last I checked, IITs were not teaching finances, and in India, you do not need a degree to be a politician if your surname is Gandhi. I am not making a comparison with businessmen because of sheer jealousy. Doctors can also be rich, but kidney market is really not that hot nowadays. #PapaKehteHainBadaNaamKarega

I am almost 25, and earning, which means I no more believe that doctor is just another term for unemployed and/or broke. I can proudly proclaim that it is a very hard-earned sum, with patients at my neck and Aamir Khan’s fist up my rear. About the sum, I agree that doctors are not satisfied with what they get, but that is just because of increasing cost of hair-transplant, because a doctor’s mid-life crisis is bald and not-so-beautiful.

Now I am waiting for the eighth pay commission, so that I can do the one thing that rich people do different from middle class: Drink Johnnie Walker bought with their own money.

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The Game Of Pheromones


This weekend is a tough one for a Delhi boy, because it requires him to make a tough decision whether to go and watch Ek Paheli – Leela in an empty theatre, or wait till Monday morning to torrent the Game of Thrones episode because, you know, ‘Needs’. Over the last 4 seasons, I have evolved from a 12-year old boy saying “Bro the upper part is full nudity only” to a 14-year old saying “Bro the 3rd episode actress ain’t that hot, koi better video hai phone me?”

Well, other than the above reason, there are other reasons too that every Monday morning for the next few weeks, my family would be shouting “what is wrong with the internet?” while I torrent the episodes:

1. The Unpredictable Predictability
It is not a nice feeling knowing that the character you will start liking over the first few episodes will die in the 9th episode, hence, #RRMartinHayeHaye. Fortunately, he did not write the script for saas-bahu serials, else Indian women would have been subjected to Mihir’s character actually dying and a possible making-out scene featuring Baa and Tulsi. The horror!

2. The Political Awkwardness
Kings, Queens, and incest. I’m hoping for a Punjabi to star in an episode and call Jamie Lannister ‘Bhen***d’ so that I can hear him reply “Yeah, so what? #MyChoice“. Indian TV serials also have politics, though it is limited to jewellery clad elderly woman bitching about how her bahu is gettin’ some action and she ain’t. That, and Koffee with Karan.

3. The Imp
Tyrion Lannister, the Hollywood version of Rajpal Yadav, is perhaps the only character that people liked and still hasn’t had his guts or nuts handed over to him. He drinks alcohol, has intercourse with multiple partners, but is still mocked by peers, which is the closest that Siddharth Mallya’s story has ever come to a TV role. The moment Imp dies, I am going to stop following the series altogether, I swear by the rum bottles of monk, both old and the new ones.

I do not wish to start a debate involving Indian TV series and American series, because I was a fan of Emotional Attyachaar, because how else can you get to watch a girl beating her boyfriend black and blue at 7:45PM every weekend. Anyways, Winter is Coming. So don’t forget to catch Jamie Lannister wishing Cersie happy Raksha Bandhan under the sheets. Happy watching!!

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